My child is not a good wingman

My child is not a good wingman

My departure from brooklyn felt sudden, rushed and overwhelming. I had an 11 day old son, a needy toddler, sore nipples, and a husband who had no clue how to pack. (though he tried his very best.)  Once the dust settled, I found myself on my own in a new town with no friends, no furniture, and no clue.  So begins the friend wooing process. 

As overtired and exhausted as I was, I simply turned on the charm best I could in my sweatpants and milk stained tees. I scored digits at the library, the park, even a grocery store once (though she never texted me back so thats a sore subject) I was dating again. When do I text? What do I say? Am I coming on too strong? Do I sound desperate? This is when I really needed a wingman. I needed my daughter to turn on her charm to help make me just completely and overwhelmingly irresistible. 

Scene 1: at the park

spotted: brunette mother of two. slim, attractive, also checking her iPhone while talking to her kids. all sounds good to me

the approach: (I got lucky this time because her daughter approached me. note to others: babies are milf magnets!) 

 (boring baby talk ensues)

...

Mom:" My daughter Jordyn is 2. Jordyn come say hi"

Jordyn: Hi!!

Eliana:" ARRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGROOOOAAARRR"

Jordyn ran away

sigh

Scene 2: at the bookstore for story hour

spotted: petite cutesy mom coloring with her toddler daughter

Eliana sat down to color as well. 

the approach: "Oh look how beautifully you two are coloring."

Eliana: "no, i don't like her."

NO ONE ASKED IF YOU LIKED HER! GIVE ME A BREAK HERE!

(I did end up scoring those digits which was huge because she was a pediatrician and I totally want a pediatrician friend. current friendship status: I texted her last, haven't heard back and refuse to text again)

Its been about 5 months now since we moved and I do feel I am slowly making friends. I am about to say something that might sound weird. I feel like I am searching for something that I never got to fully experience firsthand. I love all of you dearly and when I had Eliana, I went back to work after 3 months. I saw friends for whine and wine of course and got wonderful help from some moms with last minute babysitting, but I feel sad that now that I am home with the kids, I feel so alone. Even though I have met a few people, I feel like the dynamic is just different in the burbs. A new "friend" of mine had a sick baby and I was more than willing to take her daughter for the day. She looked at me like I had 3 heads.  Another mom practically washed her son's mouth out with soap after he accidentally drank from Eliana's sippy cup. I can vividly remember cracking up with Aynsley one day when Eliza and Eliana thought it was a riot to switch sippy cups after every sip. I dont mean to say one way of parenting is better than the other. It is just different and hard to adjust. Don't even get me started on the fact that I receive google reminders for hour long playdates. I am not sure I understand yet what kind of friendships I am even trying to make here.  I truly miss talking with all of you but I know that no matter how long it may have been, we'll always pick up right where we left off.

P.S. While Eliana may be a terrible wingman, Isaiah ROCKS! Now that Eliana was at camp for a few hours a day this summer, I had more alone time with Isaiah. He woos big time, especially while facing outward in his bjorn, so stay tuned!