The Judgey Parent

Eliza started preschool yesterday. It's a little home-based, non-academic, gentle flow place: there aren't any lesson plans and the tuition is cheap. As this is Park Slope Brooklyn, the families this set up attracts are a bit more into homeschooling, elimination communication (mine is the only girl in diapers) and gentle parenting. They also all seem to be members of a farm share. I totally get the farm share thing, but the two seasons I tried it, it was a disaster. I know that it doesn't work for me and my family, but I get a slight edge of defensiveness when I hear someone throw "our CSA" into conversation CSA=Community Supported Agriculture Almost nothing makes me more mama awkward than packing meals and snacks for my kid that she'll be eating around other moms and kids. I mean, I'm a nutritionist! I feel like I should be setting an example! I planned what I would send her the first day for weeks. Mind you, the first week was only 2 hours, all she needed was a snack, but I was on a mission to be just as good as these other CSA moms who's kids think goldfish are pets, not food. I lovingly packed Eliza a cup of organic yogurt (sweetened, though, fail), two sticks of hormone-free cheese (not local, not organic-hmm), organic dried mango, sliced organic bell pepper and carrot sticks (NOT baby carrots, of course) and an organic local apple (win). I figured it wouldn't be the best snack there, but it would hold its own.

Okay, 3 points already:
1. My mission to be "just as good as" the other parents. HUH!? Why am I basing my worth as a parent on what I pack for one snack in comparison to other snacks packed?

2. Yes, I do in fact realize that I packed enough food for the entire day. I'm a Jewish mother. Back off

3. The parents are NOT with the kids at preschool. No other parents would have any idea of what I packed unless their kid instagrammed it.

And the over arching big point? I AM THE JUDGEY PARENT. About myself! I couldn't care if little Henry has conventional pretzels or if Willa brought pizza for lunch. Those people who talk about their CSAs? They're not talking shit about me and my lettuce from California. That's what I hear because I am the one with the inferiority complex. How much of the "Mom Wars" are simply about our own insecurities?

I'm already learning so much in preschool!